Have you found yourself in a support role for a couple (or an individual) with a pornography or sexual addiction?
First, of all, I'd like to say, Thank You for being here. Many people who find themselves in support roles are just as blindsided as the couple (or individual) themselves and often do not understand the intricacies of this addiction. The fact that you are searching for the best way to help, is admirable and commendable of you. On behalf of every spouse and everyone individual suffering from an addiction, I'd like to say thank you. Truly.
In order to support those effected by this addiction, the most important thing to understand is that this is not merely a bad habit. This is not the story of someone who continues to "sin". This is about a mental illness of sorts. This is about a brain disorder. Due to the years of compulsive behavior, the brain of the "Addict" has literally been wired to take away their self control. They must now do the work to rewire it. It's HARD work and it is like riding a roller coaster through fire.
The worst thing that you can do is not accept the reality of the situation. There is a real disease and real trauma resulted from it. It's painful and it sucks and everyone is looking for an easy way out. But, unfortunately, there is no easy way out. There is only hard work and perseverance with a brilliant light at the end. In addition to scripture and prayer, that work encompasses things such as therapies, support groups and learning emotional balance. I would err on the side of suggesting too much work rather than suggesting too little. There is more danger in doing nothing than in doing too much. And please remember, your word is gold. Once you say, "I don't think you need….", then there is a 99% chance that it will never happen….
Once again, thank you. We appreciate your love and support. This is hard stuff.
But, we are not the first. We have the privilege of learning from those who have come before us.
Rowboat and Marbles
The Confession- Part One of Three
The Addict- Recovery vs. Repentance- Part Two of Three
The Spouse- Part Three of Three
Happy Pioneer Day
The Two Fold Problem
The Marriage Vs. The Soul
Understanding the Effects on the Wife:
I am Broken
The Parable of the Castle
Are You Honest In Your Dealings With Your Fellowmen?
If He Were an Alcoholic
I Am One Of The Majority
What I Need
Setting The Pace
The Gift of Time
That's Betrayal Trauma
The Rest of the Story
I Don't Want To Get Divorced
My Two Greatest Gifts
Understanding the Addiction:
The Addiction Tree
Cycles and Definitions
Shame and Addiction
The Personalities of Paul
Why Won't He Change?
What We Wish You Knew
By The Light Of Grace
You can find more resources (books, blogs, therapies, websites, etc) under my Resources tab.
To read more Wopa (Wife of Porn Addict) stories, go here: Owning Our Stories
According to Webster's Dictionary, the word 'redeem' means "to free from the consequences of sin." Although, it was not my sin, I still desperately need to be freed of the consequences.
"Redeemed women of God have tender merciful hearts, backbones of steel, and hands that are prepared for the fight." - Staci Elderidge
"Even though my heart has been broken at times, I want to retain a tender merciful heart- the kind of heart that is vulnerable, open to all emotions, and engaged in honest, intimate relationships. If my heart is hardened, no matter the cause, I cannot live to my fullest potential.
By setting and holding emotional, physical and spiritual boundaries and standing up with courageous determination to what I know to be right, I continue to forge my backbone of steel.
As women, I believe we want to fight against evil, and we have power greater than we've ever imagined to aid us in that fight."
- Rhyll Croshaw