-drove my child to preschool. I chatted with his teachers, who I know well since I've had one child or another at that school for the last 3 years... I said hi and chatted with the moms, some of them I am quite good friends with.
- I talked to the primary president on the phone. We chatted about primary and then our preschoolers who are in class together and our babies. We are great friends. The kind that you can text while standing in the check out line at Target and say, "crap, I'm stuck, can you grab my kid from school and I'll get him later?" And we've done it so many times, we don't even call the school to let them know. Because they do.
-My neighbor came over. Our kids line up and two of them are really good friends. He spent most of the day at my house. He ate with us. She came to retrieve him and we sat and gabbed for a while (instead of folding laundry). We are great friends. Like call-in-the-middle-of-the-night friends because I need you to sit with my kids while we head to the ER.
-My good friend dropped by with a few of her kids. She asked if they could play because she had a few things to get done. We sat first and talked about our other good friend that is moving tomorrow and what we need to do to help. We are great friends. Like, we've-been-in-each-other's-bedroom- kind- of-friends.
-I called my moving friend and made a plan to pick her up for the Stake Relief Society activity tomorrow and send the guys over to move all of her furniture while we're gone (nice plan huh?). Then after the activity is over, we'll send all the men and kids to pizza and I'll help her unpack and make the beds. She is a stayed-in-the-hospital-with-me-the-night-my-baby-was-born kind of friend. She slept with my hours old baby on the couch in my room and held my puke bowl
-my brother called and we made a plan to skype tonight.
My days are filled with family and friends. People I love and who love me dearly. I know I am so blessed. I thought about this last night as I climbed into bed and I thanked my Heavenly Father for the blessings in my life. And then I thought about a conversation I had the other day with Scabs, and I realized that not one of those awesome, loving, close family and friends mentioned above called me Harriet during the day. Not once. They don't even know a "Harriet". They have no idea that I Am Harriet.
I was talking to Scabs about this 'double life' we lead. My normal day is filled with carpools and diapers, dinner times and drop in friends. There, I'm known by another name. But, then, I retreat into the quiet seclusion of my alter virtual reality where I become "Harriet" and the horrors and hopes of the deepest corners of my soul are shared with people I love like only two people with shared pains can love, but people I have never really met.
The last 15 years of my life have been so full of deceptions and secrecy that I refuse to believe that THAT is what I am doing now! That I am keeping a major part of myself from the people I love the most and choose to spend my days with. Instead I would like to believe that my Alter Reality is more like a SECRET AGENT! That by day I live a normal life until the horrors of the world come crashing down. That is when I dawn my "Harriet" suit and I'm off to do my part! Yep. That's me, a Secret Agent!
And since this is the Secret Agent that I can resonate with the best (with a house full of kids...), I'll call myself, Agent H!
What is your Secret Agent Identity?
Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo Wah... AGENT H!!!!!